after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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