The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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