I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
