we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
