dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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