How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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