As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
