She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
