i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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