How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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