Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
