you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
