Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
