im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
