she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
