my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
