if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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