I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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