All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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