so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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