Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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