dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
