I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
