I'm lost and stupid without you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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