i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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