I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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