Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
