Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need to get me chipped asap
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
