did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
