I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
