he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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