I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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