you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
