I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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