you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
