Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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