update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
