sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PANTIES FOUND
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