Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
