I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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