Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
