Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
