New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
