not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
