Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
