I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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