I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
