i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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