This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
