She is in my trunk
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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