I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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